her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
