Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
