i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
