I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
