dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
