Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
