im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
