why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
