found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
