Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
