Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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