I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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