I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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