these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
