Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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