It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
