Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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