he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
