you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
