we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
