i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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