Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
