i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
