Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
