mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
