you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize