is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
