lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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