please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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