Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
