We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
