I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
