btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
