i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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