DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
