YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
