i was born a porn star she said
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
