I met the friendliest cop last night
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
