is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The struggles of a small town man whore
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
