my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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