do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
