Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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