I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
