He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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