We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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