you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
