guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
