I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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