dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
