I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
