Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
