she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
