Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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