We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
