my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
