lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
