I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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