he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
