Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
