It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize