shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
