I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
