i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
