I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
