it wasn't lemon gatorade
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
