I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His nipple licking is glorious
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