i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
